Confessions of a Control Freak

I have always been a control freak. I like to know exactly what’s coming next and then try to be organised for it. The key word there being try. The fact is it’s impossible to ALWAYS be organised and prepared. I’m sure my fellow control freaks will understand me when I say that you eventually crash. And crash hard.

Now I’m not saying being a control freak is a completely bad thing. In fact, some of the qualities in control freaks are great. A few tendencies can be quite useful such as being on time and the compulsion to try your very best in whatever you do. Of course on the other hand the constant worrying about anything and everything is quite tiring. For me, the one thing I have always been so stressed and worried about is what I am going to be when I grow up. I recently had a huge OH-MY-GOD-I-GRADUATE-AT-THE-END-OF-THIS-YEAR breakdown. It was quite a spectacular crash and the most ridiculous thing is that I didn’t think I was that stressed about not being in control of next year. You see, I still don’t know what I want to be after two years studying towards a degree in journalism and in less than twelve months I’ll be officially graduated and in the real world. Eek.

Terrifying right? Wrong. I have overcome this fear by remembering that I have been in the real world the whole time and I’ll just be doing something different. Still nerve-wracking all the same but something will work out in the end. I’d always thought being able to see into the future would fix all of my worries. I just wanted to know exactly what job I’d be doing and where I’d be living and if my boyfriend would still love me and where my parents choose to retire and will I be close enough to visit them often and will my little sister end up living overseas in some awesome place. They’re just a few of a very long list and I’ve just realised that life would be pretty damn boring if I knew all of that. What would be the point? Worrying doesn’t fix anything, all it does is stop you from enjoying your life in that moment. So I guess it’s a new years resolution or whatever of mine to just be happy with my life and stop worrying. It’s essentially to just view my life in a new and more relaxed way.

Who knows what I will be doing in six months, a year or 10 years from now. I may still be rambling away for a paper or magazine, working as a florist, a racecar driver, perhaps I’ll be training as an astronaut about to take on Mars. Okay maybe not the last one. But you get the point. The truth is it doesn’t matter and the great unknown is quite exciting. I have only just realised this and hope others can learn to chill out earlier and enjoy the adventures life throws at them.

Photo: Lewis Gorlitz

#vision